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flower_boy2014 34M
11 posts
1/6/2018 3:34 pm
Parang Kayo... Pero Hindi


If you think that the what it is they are thinking is IT(*wink)...this is for you

She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be "friends". They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay. They still date. They still have sex. They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."

She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates,flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? Sila kaya? He hasn't admitted anything, she rants. But I let him hug and kiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi.

They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it. He said "I love you"; once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

Tagbilang siya ng kwentada. Matalino at maganda sa mata ng marami. Business owner naman yung isa. Masigla, makisig, at maloko pagpinaraya. Sa FFF sila nagmeet. Sa ialng gabing suyuan sa chatroom, umabot sa totoong tagpuan pagdating ng takipsilim. Una sa sushi bar at nagkagustuhan agad. Naulit agad sa sunod na araw sa kalapit na kainan, at nauwi sa sinehan. Di na bale kung ano yung cine, maka holding hands, makayakap, at maglikot ng kamay sa kung saan maseselang yungib. 6 na buwan na sila - "Parang Kayo-Pero Hindi"

She is a 28-year-old virgin. He is a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter, she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is".

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of relationship can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy--may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl(sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi hindi naman kayo.

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro".

Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom" Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.

My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala".

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunoang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real
thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real.

Una, you can't ask him to commit:
Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?
You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us". Meron lang "you and me", hindi "us".

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din ! lang ! ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.

Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.

Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with ! an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita".

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi"; stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya ... almost, but not quite.

Although it talks more of the downside from a gurlz point of view... please bear in mind: " GUYZ, THEY HURT TOO..."

**A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart**

elizabethvivian2 44F
603 posts
1/7/2018 6:07 pm

There is wisdom in the words "love begets love" and "you reap what you sow". Put them together and you have the perfect potion for any kind of relationship. Love when given unconditionally in its purest pursuit and without reservation is the most magnetic kind of love.. it draws people closer when there and leaves a void when taken away. Many will say that they have loved selflessly and have given their all, but when you look closer, you will realize that only a few people are truly capable of freely giving love unconditionally. Most of us are really just expecting something in return. But for those who don't, love comes easy, pseudo relationships naturally turn into real ones, and love is paid back with interests well deserved.

Insane as it seems, in pseudo relationships, you are you are better off loving recklessly than cautiously, the latter is only bound for failure. The rule will always be, "we reap what we sow".


Bizzysback 57F
973 posts
1/9/2018 2:54 am

It seems a little bit cowardly to me not daring to ask what the status of their relationship for the fear of not getting an answer they do not like to hear. Love is a commitment and respect if you truly love someone you are not afraid to commit and by stating where you stand is a sign of respect. This is more like friends with benefits the one who gets the most benefit will not compromise. Been there
...and then I go and spoil it all but saying stupid like I love you.

“Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”


theta2011 47F
1898 posts
1/15/2018 5:36 am

Interesting..you've hit it. Bakit nga ba we sacrificed something like self worth in exchange of a trivial relationship. Have we not respect of our own being, degrading but yes - nakaka happy and that feeling you somehow belong to somebody. The need to be loved. Who jump off first, scary to be left behind.


eb1209
28210 posts
1/15/2018 10:08 am

It is an UN-LABELED relationship, and while it is okay, for as long as two people are not expecting commitments, it becomes painful to at least one of the couple who has a stronger feeling for the other ( I am sure of that). Sad to say, whenever two human beings see each other and have intimate moments, it is almost impossible not to develop an emotional investment. However, enjoy everything while it lasts...

Just call me ELZ


flower_boy2014 34M
13 posts
1/16/2018 12:29 pm

    Quoting elizabethvivian2:
    There is wisdom in the words "love begets love" and "you reap what you sow". Put them together and you have the perfect potion for any kind of relationship. Love when given unconditionally in its purest pursuit and without reservation is the most magnetic kind of love.. it draws people closer when there and leaves a void when taken away. Many will say that they have loved selflessly and have given their all, but when you look closer, you will realize that only a few people are truly capable of freely giving love unconditionally. Most of us are really just expecting something in return. But for those who don't, love comes easy, pseudo relationships naturally turn into real ones, and love is paid back with interests well deserved.

    Insane as it seems, in pseudo relationships, you are you are better off loving recklessly than cautiously, the latter is only bound for failure. The rule will always be, "we reap what we sow".
"You reap what you sow" - that is so right, but it is not the end of it. How one chooses to partake of the harvest; whether recklessly or cautiously becomes entirely up to you, your mindset, your emotion, your values, and your instincts.


flower_boy2014 34M
13 posts
1/16/2018 12:31 pm

    Quoting Bizzysback:
    It seems a little bit cowardly to me not daring to ask what the status of their relationship for the fear of not getting an answer they do not like to hear. Love is a commitment and respect if you truly love someone you are not afraid to commit and by stating where you stand is a sign of respect. This is more like friends with benefits the one who gets the most benefit will not compromise. Been there
    ...and then I go and spoil it all but saying stupid like I love you.
There is nothing wrong about being stupid...


flower_boy2014 34M
13 posts
1/16/2018 12:46 pm

    Quoting theta2011:
    Interesting..you've hit it. Bakit nga ba we sacrificed something like self worth in exchange of a trivial relationship. Have we not respect of our own being, degrading but yes - nakaka happy and that feeling you somehow belong to somebody. The need to be loved. Who jump off first, scary to be left behind.
I used to think like this in the past until an FFF blogger I once knew gave me this advice: "An affair is not about submission nor is it giving in to the other. You walk into a relationship(not give in) with the same pride and self confidence as you were before. And as you go, you give-you take and work towards building solid foundations as you go. As always, there are no guarantees in any love affair; it sometimes does not work. So for these times when it cannot work, lagi ka magtira ng konting pag-ibig for yourself! LOVE AND RESPECT yourself so you can also walk-out of the relationship with the same pride and self-confidence as you were before"

I remember that boy but I don't remember his feeling anymore.


flower_boy2014 34M
13 posts
1/16/2018 12:50 pm

    Quoting eb1209:
    It is an UN-LABELED relationship, and while it is okay, for as long as two people are not expecting commitments, it becomes painful to at least one of the couple who has a stronger feeling for the other ( I am sure of that). Sad to say, whenever two human beings see each other and have intimate moments, it is almost impossible not to develop an emotional investment. However, enjoy everything while it lasts...
Emotional investment - that is a new phrase for me. I am not sure if one should think about loving in these terms. To my mind, if you start "counting" this emotion against that emotion, it is bound to fail.


eb1209
28210 posts
1/17/2018 12:19 pm

    Quoting flower_boy2014:
    Emotional investment - that is a new phrase for me. I am not sure if one should think about loving in these terms. To my mind, if you start "counting" this emotion against that emotion, it is bound to fail.
Emotional Investment is quite an old expression...any type of investment has a win-lose situation. It is a risk one has to take..Unfortunately, all types of relationships that any human being gets involved into, involves emotion...shallow or deep..

Just call me ELZ


eb1209
28210 posts
1/17/2018 12:21 pm

But of course, stupidity is part of loving...if one chooses to..There is no right or wrong in love...As a matter of fact, nothing is wrong while you are happy...It is in the end that one realizes, something was wrong after all...

Just call me ELZ